He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
