Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You ruined the universe
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
