this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
