i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
