I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
