My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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