I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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