My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
