I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
