OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
