Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
