Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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