So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
