Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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