I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
