So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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