You work out of a Hotel?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
