I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
