I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
