that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
