He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
