apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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