She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
