I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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