Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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