remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You're like the curious george of whores
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
