I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wear drunk well.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
