go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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