Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
