Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
