You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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