Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
