I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
