could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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