I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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