my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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