susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
