i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
