If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
