I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
