Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
