My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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