my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
