whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm too high and old for this...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
