If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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