Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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