and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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