Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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