i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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