Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
