Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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