Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
