So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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