The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
are you so shy because you have an std?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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