You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i drank out of a bidet.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
