She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
