oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
