Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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