drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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