it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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