Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
