All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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