My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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