I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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