apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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