as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
