The maid of honor just puked.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
