Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
