Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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