So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
