you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
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So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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