I just saw a hot homeless man
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
